The "Cain Mentality": A Rebel Just Because

Hey Bruh! Today I want to present to you my thesis on what I call the Cain Mentality! Why? Because now is the time and today is the day for the man who we consider to be the prodigal son to shake himself, come to his senses, and then return to his rightful place in his family and in society! In the series, we will take a deep dive into the concept, mindset, ineffectiveness, and restoration of someone who has been running from vengeance, dodging fatally, bucking the system, and doing things his way, since the day he killed his brother and became public enemy #1, so we can answer that age-old question, can Cain be saved? That answer is unequivocal! And that answer is YES! 

Immature Men are a Menace to Society

It’s not that he is a bad dude. It’s the fact that he thinks he is, he wants to be and is trying to be identified as someone to be respected but feared, who needs to be acknowledged but wants to be left alone, and someone who demands recognition for what he has accomplished even though he realizes that his success was gotten illegitimately!

Now not every man who is acting immaturely or has some form of questionable success has the "Cain Mentality," however, there are indicators that both identify and confirm who does. Nevertheless, in today’s society, he can be found everywhere you go! You either are or were somebody, you know somebody, or you know somebody that knows somebody who fits that description or who could literally be Cain in the flesh.

Cain is  here, lurking in the shadows 

In other words, He’s out there! You’ve seen him! His presence is pervasive, but his purpose is unclear! He has no allegiance, but he belongs to a fraternity that is known for being a menace to society. 

The Distortion of Masculinity in the Man-Hating Era

What that means for America specifically, is that from the trap house to the white house these men have found a way to distort the definition of masculinity and relegate manhood to animalistic behavior! As a result, this has created a new sport called “Man Hating.”

This sport consists of men being held accountable for what other men have done, being distrusted, or mistrusted because all men can’t be trusted, and being disrespected because you’re a man, regardless of whether you’re guilty of anything or not! Then finally if you make a mistake or do something wrong you won’t find forgiveness and saying you're sorry will never be enough. Why? That’s because "men are to blame," for every problem in this world! My Brother, if you know what I’m talking about, you don’t have to say a word, just shake your head. Alright!

What is the "Cain Mentality"

Ever been mad at God?

The Cain Mentality is defined as a mindset of general disrespect for authority, but an acute disrespect for authority figures! An enigmatic phenomenon that causes the uniquely gifted and the multitalented to live a life of failure rather than a life of success, and a disposition of inferiority that makes a man want to kill his brother because he did the right thing!

Cain is described as a lawless drifter with a God complex whose grandiose delusions, ill-conceived plans, and crocked schemes keep him running from something he cannot describe and running to a place he cannot find! That thing is called vengeance and that place he is running to is called nowhere. Fueled by anger and lost without cause, those that fall victim to the Cain Mentality are merely a rebel just because. An example of the Cain Mentality can be seen in Jim Stark, the main and troubled young character in the 1955 movie Rebel Without a Cause.

Jim Stark in Rebel Without a Cause

A Lack of Purpose Leads to a Life of Abuse

Myles Monroe, a Bahamian Evangelical Christian minister once stated that "nothing in life is without purpose but when the purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable."

The inevitable abuse that a man who is disconnected from his purpose both causes and suffers from are the indicators that help to identify and confirm those who are driven by the "Cain Mentality."

However, the indicator that distinguishes him the most is his unyielding and unrepented determination to do things his way! “I’m gonna do this my way,” is that hardheadedness that refuses wise counsel. It’s that "You can’t tell me nothing, I got this, I don’t need no help," disposition that has caused him to lose everything. It is what makes him live recklessly, check out of life, and become a danger unto himself and to everyone that he comes into contact with. 

If you're interested in learning more about purpose and what you can do to start reconnecting with your own, check out this video where I dive deep into my story and how I was able to reconnect to purpose with the help of God's Grace. 

Alright. If you've made it this far, we've covered a lot of ground. Let's do a quick review of what we've learned about the "Cain Mentality."

Hey Bruh, this is a good place to stop. But let me encourage you to stay with me in this series because what I’m sharing with you is what I have experienced living with the Cain Mentality! That means I can tell you how you got it, what it does to your life, and how God’s grace and mercy will bring you out of that mentality! Listen, I never had a comeback because I can’t remember ever being in the light before I was in the darkness! I always tell people that I had a brought back! Why? Because God brought me out of that darkness into His marvelous light! And my brother He will do the same for you!

Now in part II of The Cain Mentality, I will explain the concept by describing who Cain was and is, how his presence has endured throughout history, and the impact that his presence has had on society from generation to generation! Part II will be posted in the week of 8/7/23 so again stay with me, leave a comment, and share this blog with others! Until then BE GOOD AND BE BLESSED! PEACE! 

GET MAD BUT DON'T GET IGNORANT PART VII

Hey Bruh! In part 6, we left off discussing the steps you need to help conquer your fear, overcome your trust issues, and turn down the intensity of your anger! This concept is what I call the Pursuit of Perfection. Now don't get stuck on the word perfection, place your focus on the word pursuit! In other words, trust the process!  Put in the work and you will get the results that prove you're becoming the man you're supposed to be! So let me remind you again, that the ultimate goal is to get mad, but we don't want to get ignorant! Below are the rest of the steps you need to take on your Pursuit of Perfection. 

STEP #3 IF IT'S NOT YOURS, GIVE IT BACK! IF IT'S YOURS, YOU HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH, SO SHARE! 

It’s always better to give than to receive! But the rivalry between Cain and Abel was ignited by the pain of not just wanting what your brother has but also wanting back what your brother took from you! That pain can be intensified by the assumption that you could never have what he has or the presumption that you could never get back what he took! Simply put, in an adaptation of the immortal words of Eddie Murphy on his Delirious Comedy Tour: 

“I got some ice cream, I took your ice cream, and you don’t have none. Now you don’t have none! Want a lick...SIKE!”

Everyone has the right to get what they desire, however not by any means necessary! Now as painful and unquenchable as that desire can be, it is made worse by jealousy and the ignorance it unleashes! That is why Abel is dead and his posterity is still trying to get revenge!

We understand that when this happened, vengeance was based upon the perpetration of the crime of murder! Murder is defined as the voluntary or involuntary unlawful termination of life! Since then, we have come to understand that Abel’s murder was based upon his unauthorized takeover of a position of favor! So, the crime that was committed had to do with Cain’s right to a livelihood over Abel’s right to live or to have his being! That means Cain committed this homicide because he believed that Abel took something that rightfully belonged to him which would keep him from the benefits that come from a position of favor! That provoked him to jealousy, and jealousy drove him to get it back by any means necessary!

Abel’s perspective was different! He knew the position of favor he had was something that Cain desired immensely! But Abel believed it was his because his brother did things his way and was not accepted by the Father! This made Abel’s presence a provocateur! He may or may not have gloated about his position of favor, but that position is what Cain wanted more than anything else and Abel being in that position is what got him killed! Now, his posterity wants revenge because Cain killed Abel or took away his presence in a failed attempt to get back the position of favor he lost by abdication and what his posterity has lost by default!

This means that Abel is coming after Cain for something that they both had a right to! The problem is that one of them took it, his posterity wants it back, and they are willing to get it back by any means necessary! The other one lost it and tried to take it back! His posterity wants what it never had and is willing to get it by any means necessary! Wow! That’s a lot. But how different would the outcome have been if Abel was willing to give back what he took, and Cain was willing to share what he lost? Think about what you have that may be provoking you brother or what you don’t have that provokes you to be jealous! Is there a compromise that can end the rivalry, stop the war, and save lives? In other words, if it’s not yours give it back! If it is yours, you have more than enough, so share!

 

STEP#4 STOP ACTING LIKE AN ANIMAL! 

The word “dawg” is a moniker that has been bestowed upon manhood which is both a term of endearment and a derogatory expression! It is a nickname that has been used to equate the temperament of a man with the instinct of an animal! It has been given the power to validate or invalidate masculinity in this culture depending upon the perspective of the people who have had the pleasure or the misfortune to participate in or be victimized by this disposition! In other words, based on the opinion of those affected by what men think, say, and do!

The word "dawg" is not just a descriptor of male tendencies, it is a formal accusation that men act like animals. While that is unacceptable, it has been celebrated and normalized in society for thousands of years! This alternate reality is pervasive all over this country. From coast to coast, here are some examples of how men's behaviors have been consistently reduced to animalistic tendencies:

-In the words of George Clinton, we chase the cat like an Atomic Dog! 

-We "wolf down" our food!

-We “piss like a racehorse!” 

-We compete in “beast mode!”

-We "run like a cheetah!”

-We’re told to fight “like a lion!” 

The problem with men acting like animals is that throughout our history, this beast-like behavior has just about brought this country to its knees. We are MEN, not ANIMALS! Isn’t it well past time to tame the beast? Here’s how:

WAYS TO TAME THE BEAST

1. Stop being ignorant and get your anger under control!

2. Stop running around with "dawgs!" Change the company you keep!

3. Stop calling yourself a "dawg!" Call yourself a man and you'll start acting like one!

4. Stop chasing cars! Start following wise counsel! 

5. Stop all that barking! Your words create your reality!

6. Stop letting people yank your chain! Stop letting everything get under your skin!

7. Stop sniffing in places where you don’t belong!

8. Stop hand biting! Stop dissing those who care about you!

9. Stop wolfing down your food! Learn to curb your appetite!

10. Stop howling at the moon! Stop wasting time on things you can't change and start changing things you have control of!

 

STEP #5 TO EARN TRUST YOU MUST LEARN TO TRUST! 

Trust issues are not uncommon in rivalries! Suspicion unleashes a “get them before they get you” mentality and paranoia can cause you to sleep in a chair with one eye open and your back against the wall or with your weapon in your hand and your finger on the trigger after you have the closed all the curtains and turned off all the lights! But just like with Cain and Abel, the consequence of committing a homicide and destroying a livelihood is that vengeance will track you down and the thought of that will make you believe that everyone you encounter is coming to get you, whether they are or not! Now since vengeance has no regard for human life, it just won’t stop with you! Someone with nothing to do with the beef you’re in can be going about their business and get killed or lose their livelihood by an act of payback that had your name on it! This is what we call the collateral consequence of ignorance!

The friction created by the coagulated blood that clogs the gears of this war has sparked an inferno that reached an intensity or a heat level so high that it can cremate or vaporizes on contact the component that holds our relationships together! That component is the element of trust! If you don’t trust, you don’t have relationships! If you won’t trust, you won’t have relationships! If you can’t trust you can’t have relationships! Plain a simple! But I don’t know if men understand that trust is like the grease that lubricates the gears of an engine! It keeps it running smoothly, reduces friction, and keeps the internal temperature or the intensity of the heat at normal levels!

Men we need to learn to trust others so that we can earn the trust of others! However, this is not easy when you have been let down! This is easier said than done when you have been lied to, and it is “damn near” impossible when you have been stabbed in the back and got vengeance on your mind! But fortunately, we can learn to trust and earn trust even when we are in the most intense battle of our lives!

HOW TO LEARN TO TRUST AND EARN TRUST

Social distance yourselves! Time and space will always allow the intensity to cool down, the ignorance to subside, and your anger to be controlled! Then when clearer heads prevail, you can work on yourself in preparation to work on relationships!

Shut up and let it die! The biggest reason why disagreement gets turned into beef, misunderstanding gets turned into an argument, and hearsay gets turned into an assault is the fact that we just can’t stop running our mouths about it! We have to tell people how we got disrespected and that turns up the intensity because of the instigation you get from the people you told! Words create our reality! If we ever get that revelation, we will know that our words can add fuel or water to the fire! That means respect for yourself, and others starts by watching what you say, how you say it, when to say it, or not say anything at all! Now go look in the mirror and tell yourself to shut up and let it die!

Accept that people have a right to say what they want! That’s a very difficult thing to do in today’s society, especially when you are being challenged! However, you need to understand that one of the biggest signs that people respect you, your position, or both is the fact that they are challenging you for it, or in the words of one of the most influential rappers of all time Ludacris, "They're coming for that #1spot!" What’s disrespectful is all the trash talk, bloviating, banter, and foolishness that comes out of their mouth!

Now, Cain, you can go in their mouth and rearrange their dental work, and Abel, you can video it and show it live on the internet, either way, your challenger will win because in today’s society being an idiot will get you paid! Take a breath, show some respect for others’ point of view because there could be some truth to it, offer to show them how to get where you are, or hook them up with someone who can, but set some boundaries with that offer and keep your end of the bargain! The trash talk might slow down but probably won’t stop; however, you have now earned their trust! 

This will be the final post on this subject for now. I appreciate all of you for joining me on the "Get Mad But Don't Get Ignorant" series. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Now I know this series wasn't exhaustive, but we have plenty of time to touch on all the issues men face in future posts on MANHOODREDISCOVERED, so please be patient and keep following us! 

My next series is called, "The younger they are the harder they fall!" Part I of this III part series will be launched and posted in the week of 6/4/23. I will be dealing with the heartbreaking issue of children and the loss of innocence! This is a generation that has experienced more than any other generation before them including active shooter drills! 

In the meantime, make sure you are following me on social media @SavingCain where I'll be launching "Special Alerts" soon. I hope to see you there!✌🏾

GET MAD BUT DON'T GET IGNORANT PART VI

Hey Bruh! America has been called the land of second chances! Well, that depends on who you are, where you live, and what you did! Now this will be the subject of a series for this blog in the future, but suffice it to say, that in America second chances for most of us are hard to find and come few and far between! Particularly as it pertains to the Criminal Justice System in this country! Be that as it may, I think we all will agree that there is something that seems to be irredeemable about the men who are involved in this rivalry that was started by Cain and Abel and exacerbated by their descendants! In this blog, we are going to discuss how redemption is all-inclusive and how both Cain and Abel need it!

Why? Because the consequences that were heaped upon the social structure in this country have been devastating! The family dynamic has been ruined, laws have been enacted to make everything a crime and sentences have been designed to be punitive, not restorative! The economy is broken because of greed and economic access has become so limited that the gap between the rich and the poor is now a gulf! Racial division is bringing this country to its knees, and religious hypocrisy has turned many away from their faith in God, thanks to Cain’s jealousy and Abel’s vindictiveness! This is unacceptable and it shouldn't be accepted anymore! But again, everyone deserves a second chance!

DADDY ISSUES?

Pay attention, are you listening? Because if you can listen long and hard enough to the sounds of violence, to the voice of ignorance, to the screams of pain and disappointment, and to the shouting of threats and accusations, you are going to hear the voices or the distinct and desperate cry of lost, abandon, or forgotten children who are looking for a Father! Why are they crying out? It’s because the worst thing about the best that they have to offer is that it is unacceptable! The worst thing about their best being unacceptable is that it that you don’t get or that you forfeit the attention of the Father! The worst thing about not getting or forfeiting the Father's attention is that it will cause you to feel unwanted, make you keep your distance, and push you down the road of infamy looking for someone or something else to fill that hole in your heart and to replace what you have been missing all of your life!.

There is so much more that I could add to that list, but I don’t want to be, and I’m not trying to be monotonous! However, what this list is describing is what can be called the Syndrome of Insignificance or Loser’s Disorder! But in reality, this is insecurity brought on by an identity crisis! In other words, if you don’t know the Father, you won’t know who you are! If you don’t know who you are, you won’t know your purpose! If you don’t know your purpose, you won’t know how to act! Period! But at the risk of being monotonous here are 10 reasons why men are angry:

                                                                          1. Rejection 

                                                                          2. Condemnation

                                                                          3. Stigmatization

                                                                          4. Disappointment                                                         

                                                                          5. Cyclical Failure

                                                                          6. Fear and Anxiety

                                                                          7. Unhealed Wounds

                                                                          8. Unforgiveness 

                                                                          9. Betrayal

                                                                         10. Jealousy

Now look, I am not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, a counselor, a therapist, or a life coach! What I am though, is a man who has experienced the full range of insignificance in the downward spiral of that syndrome, as well as the lowest and darkest dimensions of losing and being a loser while suffering from that disorder! I hate to say what I am about to say next because it is so cliché, but I have to let you all know that you can live through it, get out of it, be healed, let your soul prosper, then get back into that war to help your brother get out! So at the risk of sounding cliché, Been there, done that, and got the scares to prove it! Oh by the way, and most importantly, I have my Father's attention!

If you are tormented by this syndrome or incapacitated by this disorder after having heard what I just said Cain or Abel, the question you are probably asking yourself while you’re still in the midst of this epic battle is, “How do I get or get back my Fathers Attention! I have returned to this battle to show you how my brothers! Because it is time for both of you to reunite with the Father so you can reunite with one another! I want you to know that opportunity doesn’t only knock once! The proof is in the fact that what I am about to share with you, you have heard before! Being engaged in a fight for your life and/or livelihood, however, will always cause you to miss, discredit, or flat-out disregard the opportunity to reunite because of fear, mistrust, and the intensity of this rivalry! But here are the steps that you need to take to overcome your fear, learn to trust then become trusted, and turn down the intensity of the battle with the proper use of anger!

STEP #1. RECOGNIZE AND ACCEPT THE SPIRIT OF FATHERHOOD! 

Listen I have used the phrase “The Father” about God, the creator of the universe and the father of us all! However, I do not have a misunderstanding about the fact that this figure of authority makes a lot of us both men and women, but particularly men, uncomfortable and quick frankly, it turns them away! Now there are many reasons for this, and if you stay with me and follow #MANHOODREDISCOVERED I will address each of those reasons in future posts. However, the biggest reason for the hesitancy is that the essence or the spirit of Fatherhood has been misrepresented!

Whether they were a biological father, a stepfather, an adopted father, or a foster father, because of their imperfections these authority figures in our lives misrepresented the Father and Fatherhood and left an open wound or a scar that reminds us of the dysfunction in that relationship! However, there is and has always been a presence in and around our lives that properly represents Fatherhood that must be recognized and accepted so that this relationship can be reconciled! It may never be with the one who was or was not there, but it will be with someone who, because of the true spirit of Fatherhood was and has always been present!

It has been said and has been confirmed that just because you procreated does not make you a Father it only proves that you are a male! Absenteeism, infamy, and iniquity are not what the Father intended for his children! This disposition does not represent God who is the Father of us all or the institution of Fatherhood! So then what personifies the true spirit of a Father or what demonstrates the true essence of Fatherhood? The characteristics of Presence, Leadership, and Legacy are what distinguish a Father and what qualifies them for Fatherhood! God promised to never leave you or forsake you, to guide you in the way you should go, and give you the desires of your heart! That spirit is present everywhere around you and you can have a proper relationship if are ready to recognize and accept Him as your Father!

STEP #2. JUST SAY YOU'RE SORRY 

The transformative effect that a drink of water or something to eat has on people who are hungry or thirsty is both immediate and sustainable! In other words, if you give a sandwich to someone who is hungry or a glass of water to someone thirsty, the more they eat or drink the better they’re going to feel! You don’t have to explain what’s going to happen to them biologically once they start eating and drinking. You just give them what they need and watch their continence change even before they put the glass of water or that sandwich to their lips! 

This is the same dynamic that happens when you apologize to someone, or someone apologizes to you! Listen, when it comes to interpersonal relationships and particularly when it comes to Manhood, a simple and sincere apology will end a rivalry, restore families, and heal friendships! I know what you are saying, Cain and Abel! You’re saying if it is that easy then why are still trying to take each other out? Because you won’t apologize, or you are not sincere! I’m not talking about jumping through hoops! If you have sincerely apologized or asked for forgiveness multiple times and your brother won’t forgive or let it go, then you have to move on! However, if you won’t forgive or refuse to say you’re sorry because you’re mad, you can’t forget, or you want then to explain why, then the battle will continue!

This mindset that says, "Love, means never having to say you're sorry is flat-out ridiculous!" Why? Because you cannot tell me you love me and then continuously stab me in my back! "We always hurt the ones we love." is true but if you do it intentionally then you don’t love them! Let me make it plain and simple if you love me, or if I love you, I will apologize and say I’m sorry without being prompted, coerced, and without strings attached! Period! Love covers a multitude of sins! Let's end here but stay with me because, in my next post, I'm going to continue this list of the steps you need to conquer your fear, and your trust issues, and help turn down the intensity of your anger! Remember, we want to get mad, but we don't want to get ignorant!